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Artist | Student | Digital Art
United Kingdom
-/-Emily -/- 17-/- Female -/- Homoflexible -/- Single -/-Gender Fluid-/-
well hey, i don't post allot of art now a days but am almost always online!, i love chatting to all you because you guys are soo much nicer than the people in the outernet xD. If you wanna say hi go ahead i won't bite, come get to know me so i get to know all of you allot better!

Homoflexible Stamp by Dragies Homoflexible Pride stamp by Kikirini Homoflexible Stamp! by monokamui wolf stamp by war-armor I'm a Wolf - Stamp by theBravewolf Wolf hunting stamp by silentmisery4 I love anime stamp by vero-g6-stamps Anime Stamp by PixieDust01 Naruto Lover Stamp by Immature-Child02 Naruto Stamp by xXx-naruto-xXx Deidara STAMP by OTalkOStyxOStampO Naruto and Sasuke fight Stamp by Sagittarius28 Naruto: Minato Namikaze stamp by Ritsuka-kawai stamp akatsuki by DKSTUDIOS05 Tobi Stamp by HappyStamp Stamp - Kakashi by Renkashi Sasunaru stamp.. ^^ by LunaDelilah ::ItaDei STAMP:: by Tabe-chan Pokemon Stamp by MarkiSan Pokemon Stamp by WetWithRain Pokemon Stamp by LadyQuintessence Original Pokemon Stamp by NateFox Pokemon Black and White Stamp by Kevfin Pokemon Center Stamp by RoseRaptor-Stamps Blue Exorcist Stamp by Blue-Lancer Rin Okumura Stamp by SoulEaterEvans13 A no E: Excited Rin stamp by Kaze-yo Kuro and Rin Stamp by Melodious-Muse Kuro Stamp by Melodious-Muse AoEx - Kuro Stamp by KumoriDragon Tora Dora stamp by Lucifiu Crazy Toradora Stamp by locked-inside Taiga Stamp by locked-inside Stamp: Nisekoi by Heavens-Aria Nisekoi - Chitoge Stamp by Paranoxias Stamp: Raku Ichijou by Heavens-Aria Nisekoi - Raku 1 Stamp by Paranoxias Chitoge stamp by GBR96 Ichijou Raku stamp by GBR96 Ghost Adventures by phoenixtsukino Ghost Adventures by shannor Zak Stamp by phoenixtsukino American Dad stamp by the-emo-detective Two and a Half Men Stamp by nakashimariku family guy stamp by GoPurifyYourself YouTube by angelkittin SkydoesMinecraft fan stamp by Unova-Fangirl iballisticsquid Stamp by Kenbuscus Stamp: Yukine (Noragami) by Espyfluff Noragami Stamp: Yato and Yukine by Izza-chan STAMP Noragami Yato Fan by Dark-Shion Stamp|Noragami. by Niche7 Yato Noragami Stamp by Dark-Shion Yato Stamp by Janoneee Noragami Stamp by DarkTortureX Noragami: Hiyori Iki stamp by Mion-waffuchii Stamp Yato by Dark-Shion Yato stamp by GBR96 Noragami: Yukine (Yuki) stamp by Mion-waffuchii
Yato OP Stamp by MultiDanita123 Yukine stamp ~ by Utsutsu-chi Stamp - Yato 02 by teriani16 Stamp Naelle FC Noragami. by Kimicati Noragami: Yato by UsualCase yato by oOAli-monOo
well basically...if i were to label myself in the lgbt community i would be homoflexible, meaning there is a very rare chance of me liking the opposite gender to me but generally like those of the same gennder...i've been single for 2/3years.

my last relationship ended fairly badly, i used to be a very clingy person and always wanted hugs kisses and affection...i could get over powering...i'd get butt hurt when my ex wanted to hang out with others and not me ect. We use to argue allot and in the most harsh way possible my ex told me how clingy i was and it hurt me...we took a break apart, and i thought about what they said and i realised that the only way i would have listened.
so when we got back together and i went to go hug them, kiss them ect...i'd stop myself and push myself away...i got embarrassed and so when they wanted hugs and kisses ect i would sort of push away but at the same time let them give affection...but the arguments started again and then i was accused of not loving them..ect ect... i did/do love them but i've haad to try and move on. tbh i don't think i really have.

anyway...because of this i am now incredibly shy when it come to relationships and find it soo fucking hard to show affection..even holding someones hand freaks me out... *sigh* 

anyway lets get to the main point of this, oh p.s i'm not having ago at my ex the past is in the past we both could have done things differently and we both feel bad for the wrongs we did to one another.


so there is this guy at college, he isn't the prettiest guy around(not someone id date) but he is funny and sweet. 2 days ago i wrote a status -> "why do i do this to myself... like my heart hurts for being alone for so long like with human contact/ a relationship... and so i end up watching cute romantic animes... then i get upset because people who aren't even real have such cute and so much better love lives than me...UGH *screams internally* *cries*"

after i wrote this he popped up on facebook, he saw the status and said it was 'pretty eye catching' and i was like yeah...well i haven't been in a relationship for almost 3 years. he was shocked and was gunna say that he knew how i was feeling but its only just been a year for him. He then asked me how my last relationship ended. I pretty much summed up what i just wrote at the beginning of this journal.

He went on to say'you have so much emotion but you hardly ever talk in college' (i am soo damn quiet in college) i don't like to talk much because i have really bad anxiety...and i tend to keep myself to myself because its less likely people will hate me because they don't truly know me. thats basically what i told him. He admired my reasoning.

he was then asking some questions to get to know me better, like do i go out much and if i do what do i usually do, we have a few things in common and told me that i seem like a decent individual and wished he had talked to me sooner. He complimented my drawings and my new blue dyed hair and said how pretty my eyes are. (during this part of the convo i am freaking out because it has been so long since someone has been so nice to me and liked me for me, and i tend to freak out more with guys because guys just scare me, especially if they are in a group...oh childhood memories :C anyway back to the thing).

Usually i am very aware if someone likes me and if they stare at me, but i have never noticed him looking at me or noticed his body language till now. and i told him this and he comes out with 'it takes a shy person to know one'. Then this bit happened ->

HIM - "those things i said earlier just letting you know i really ment them".

ME - "thank you i appreciate it"

HIM - "i just hate to see or feel as if your on your own".

ME - "I have felt on my own for almost 3-4 years its generally all i know".

HIM - "well what if somebody wanted to make you not alone.."

at this point i just had the biggest panic attack going, but i sort of knew this was what as gunna happen when the conversation started as soon as he mentioned my status.

ME - "don't think that would happen anytime soon...but im just guessing..that you could be hinting something...although i could be wrong.."

HIM - "i think you guessed correctly"

ME - "the way you wrote it gave it away"

HIM - "thats what i was hoping for"
"i just want to be that guy who can make you happy again"

ME - "your too sweet xD but i only end up pushing people away.."

HIM - "but i know i'm not gonna treat you like the other guys do i'm always known to be a 'sweet guy' but i wanna be a loyal guy"

ME - "then prove it? like everyone always says, actions speak louder than words c:"

HIM - "okay emily will you go out with me? accept me and not push me away. allow us both to try love again"

so when i recieved this message i freaked out i was like, is this guy serious? we barely no each other what do i say? what is happening? i don't like him? do i? whaaaaaat is going ooooon?... anyway back to the last bit of this convo.

ME - " we barely know each other.. maybe take a walk with me so we can talk in person? and we can go from there? does that sound fair?"

HIM - " yeah that sounds really good"


So we went on our walk around the zoo(my college campus is pretty much in the zoo and we get free access in the zoo c:) (Smile) we spoke abit, there were barely anytimes it went silent, when it would go silent he was try and keep the convo going..luckily...cause i close up when im with people i dont know and especially around men/boys.

but he was mostly asking questions about me, like i dont mind but i never asked about him...i dunno i just felt like it would sound nosey coming from me. When we were walking and talking i was trying to see if i could see a relationship with him...but i dunno if i did or not...cause i dont wanna date him and then realise i don't actually like him...and then break his heart...

what i have to remember/realise is from the feelings i feel about this, is do i want a relationship with him or do i want the relationship. Like i would love to be in a relationship with all that comes with it, but i want it with someone i like and not just to be in a relationship because its a relationship...

anyone got opinions, and i gold star and pat on the back for those who read this till the end!
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: never to late - three days grace
  • Reading: blue exorcist

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Azaleya Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2015
Thanks you very much for the fav! :aww:
edizzle13 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
your welcome
DrawingGangstar Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2015
Thanks for the watch <3
edizzle13 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2015  Student Digital Artist
your welcome c:
Vignar Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the +fav
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